Comic Relief

Don't look now, but we've got company...

"Sarah" and I made these silly things out of egg cartons yesterday.  It's dark and rainy today, so these pictures aren't great, but you get the idea.  I really love how they turned out.  I'm calling them my Kooky Spooky Spiders.  We'll be taking them with us to a party later tonight.   

These are hilarious looking, but the truth is, I really hate house spiders! 

Wednesday morning, it was still dark when I stepped into my office, half awake, shuffling along with that first cup of coffee in my hand, expecting nothing out of the ordinary.  Certainly not a giant hobo spider perched halfway up the wall. 

I don't like killing things, but there's no love for any spider that crosses the threshold of my sanctuary, so I attempted to whack it with my slipper. 

Unfortunately, when I closed my eyes and screamed, I missed it by a mile.  That always happens.  It also didn't help that I was facing the wrong way around.  (Don't want to actually see any inflicted carnage either.) 

But that misplaced whack sent scary-spider into free fall. 

It dropped straight down the wall like MacGyver on a mission, and landed somewhere in a tangle of computer cables, wires, and modems--taking refuge underneath the very desk I sit at now. 

It has not been seen since. 

That was three days ago.  And I'm nervous. 

I'm checking every nook and cranny obsessively for fear scary-spider may launch a counter attack when I'm not looking.  They're sneaky that way.  Just crawling out into the open would be enough to do me in.  I also worry that the next paper I shuffle, drawer I open, or pile of stuff I dig through may hold a *surprise*.

 

And not a good one. 

I fear it's only a matter of time before the hairy-legged beast makes a move, and then I can only hope that my brave, huntress cat (who is a renowned spider killer), is on the prowl when it does.  She's been on high alert and watching. 

Spiders beware!

All this anxiety hearkens back to previous experiences, because this battle with giant house spiders happens every year when the weather shifts, and actually becomes somewhat of an ongoing situation through fall.   For me anyway. 

It makes no sense, but I seem to attract them.  If there's a spider in the room, it will manage to drop down, crawl out, or suddenly appear right in front of me.  Maybe they can smell fear.  I don't know.  Whatever the reason, I could fill a book about my hair-raising spider adventures. 

I won't though, so don't worry. 

In fact, I usually keep all this to myself.  But something just happened recently, and being Halloween and all, well, I had to share it.  It's the stuff of nightmares.

Here's what happened. ..

A few weeks ago, I  thought I felt something crawl across my neck as I slept.   It's funny how you can be sound asleep, peaceful and dreaming, and yet become instantly wide awake if you think something crawls on you. 

Well, I felt something and started flailing.  The Mister woke up, rolled over and calmly stared at me.  (He's the steady one.)  I, not so calmly, told him something was sharing our bed.  He obligingly switched on the light and went into the drill. 

He flung the quilt, wrangled the blanket, shook the sheets, pummeled the pillows, lifted the dust ruffle, and checked my nightgown. 

"All clear",  he said climbing back into bed.  (He is also used to false alarms.) 

After a few more minutes of fussing and stressing and trying to convince myself it was only a stray hair tickling my neck and nothing more, I returned to bed.  Just for peace of mind's sake, I peeked under my pillow one last time.  And I kid you not. 

A spider was underneath it! 

My rational belief that a spider, would never-ever hide under a pillow was shattered. 

It was a shocking realization. 

Needless to say, my scream woke the house, rattled the windows, and sent the neighborhood dogs howling and wailing.  I don't remember much else after that, but looking back, I must say, that even though it was an unprecidented horror in the wee hours of the morning, I do feel positively vindicated!  (See?  I told you.  Spiders are after me!)

Of course, now I wish it had scurried away before I'd seen it.  Ignorance is bliss, as they say.  And it's true.  Because it's always in the back of my mind now.  That horrible possibility.  And it opens the door to all the other horrible possibilities that may seem, not so probable, but could happen.  Spooky things cross my mind. 

And so, as the temperatures drop, and the creepy-crawlies seek refuge inside, I'll be all twitchy, and itchy, glancing over my shoulder, inspecting under my desk for any signs of movement, and of course, checking under my pillow.  Frequently. 

Have a safe, and not so spooky Halloween!

Comments

[Molly]

OMG!!! I am dying laughing at the same time I've got chills up my spine! Spiders scare the fook out of me too!!!! AND, and, I had a nighttime experience similar to yours! One night I dreamed, DREAMED!, there was a spider next to my pillow. I woke up, turned on the light and searched, no spider. The very next night I felt "something". Woke up, turned on the light and there it was, exactly where it had been in my dream! Now I am really creeped out because that sucker was probably under my pillow the first night, I can't recall if I checked there or not!! OOOOOH!!

Your milk carton ones are just adorable though, maybe we'll do that for next year.

[Linda]

I absolutely love this story!! So funny and so true for me as well! I hate spiders. Love the ones you made and I love the photo of your adorably kitty on the lookout.

[sammyjo]

i agree these guys are cute but i really hate spiders thats why my dog ben is trained in eating them! cats and dogs are just great as bug killers!

[Amanda]

~Funny spider stories! Merry Halloween!~ Mandy

[Darlene]

OMGosh...I am ROFLOL at your description of the spider incidents....by the way I came over to meet you from As Time Goes By blog.

I'll definitely be back after this post. Oh, I actually came to see the adorable spiders you made....they are great!!!

[Marlena]

Hilarious! I am dabbing my tears laughing so hard! I too HATE spiders and this story reminded me of a few scary times I've had with them too. Thanks for sharing this. It totally made my Halloween a little less frightful!

[Magickwyrds]

Oh my goodness! You poor thing- I totally understand your dilemma, as I am also EXTREMELY tasty to spiders...the hubby and I can sleep in a nest of them, and I'll be the only one to wake up having been chomped apon! Lol, I am impressed you can even go into their lai...I mean, your office... Happy Halooweenie :)

[Cele]

Wow love that cat photo.

[tammyCA]

Gawd! I hate those creepy crawlers. There's been some scary ones in my house...now, I am freaked by what you said about under the pillow. I have a very real fear of losing my eyesight (I have retina problems that can't be fixed and legally blind in one eye since forever) and, every time I think about it I think about spiders...they could be crawling in my hair, in my bed and I wouldn't be able to see to kill them...that freaks me out bad.
okay, back to imagine happier things.

[Judy]

I love this post. I'm still laughing. I can totally relate. If I see a spider in my bedroom as I'm getting ready for bed, my husband has to get rid of it before I can go to sleep. Otherwise I won't be able to and I'll keep wondering where that spider is all night long.

[Natalie]

Safe from all things creepy-crawly, I hope your Halloween was sweet!

[Yvette]

I couldn't help but laugh at your spider story! I, too, have found them under my pillow . . . very disconcerting to say the least . . . makes my skin crawl.

My Mother gets the prize for spider phobia. She can tell if there is a spider behind a piece of furniture WITHOUT seeing it. And she is usually right, but you need a magnifying glass to see it. I don't have that kind of phobia, but I still don't like them at all!

Good picture of the cat on watch.
Yvette

[Barb]

What is it about spider that scares the begeezus out of all of us (as evidenced by all of the about comments)? I HATE spiders too. Any spider found in the house is a DEAD spider!!

On that note, however, your 'Kooky Spooky Spiders' are too cute! I'm going to try to make them from your tutorial. Thanks for sharing. And...your picture of your cat on the stairs is adorable!

[Jean C.]

I'm with you! Spiders are alright as long as they "STAY" outside! But once they come into my house... they are fair game! And I will try to hurry them out the door! But that just doesn't always work! I won't tell you spider stories... cause to tell you the truth... you've had enough of the little critters!
Point the cat in the right direction!!!! And put him/her to work! Hang in there. I must say, after being frightened... you really are brave to make the fake ones! I only say that because knowing me, I would probably scare myself silly thinking it was a real one some night!
Hope your Halloween was less eventful!

[Susan]

We get spiders that come in every fall, as the weather turns colder here in Colorado. Here is my remedy for keeping spiders out of your house- Go to your local home improvement store, and buy a large container of Ortho Home Defense Max. It comes with a hose thingy, that you can walk around with to spray easily. Spray it all around the outside of your house, like anywhere spiders and bugs could get in: window frames, doors, vents, crawl spaces, screens. It's also safe for indoor use, so I respray the insides of said windows and doors, as well as corners, laundry spaces, and back behind stuff where they may lurk.
It seriously works miracles! Do it twice a year, and presto! No spiders! It's the same stuff the exterminators use, for literally a fraction of the cost. It's kid and pet safe too. Sleep better, and no more surprises!